These are a few of the scariest things...

We are surviving. Our house is a mess and I refuse to clean it. Our feet are sticking to the kitchen floor. There is practically no food left in the house. And if that has not turned you off from dropping by-our toilet bowl is taking on a rare shade of pink. The cleaning lady is due to come next week. I think I will leave her a few protein bars and a couple tanks of oxygen to make it through our home.

But tonight was a special night in the Setty household. I actually cooked so I will need to be brief so I can tidy up before taking on the mountain of clean laundry taking over my basement. Here are the happenings since my last post.

We received Flip's PIO. There was some major confusion over just what kind of visa she could get. The Travisa Outsourcing company who handles visas for the Indian consulate did not know how to process her as an Indian born child who was adopted by Americans and then heading home to the motherland. After being denied OCI- on the day we were due to leave for Florida for a week- we applied for PIO. Thankfully, we received her PIO card and guard it with our lives.

Marvel got word today that he passed all his prelim exams in 3 months! Candidacy here we come. He has an article to be published in The Journal of Global Studies on Education. I can not say it enough- I am so proud of him. He is a Marvel.

The girls are wrapping up all of their activities and saying good bye. Both of them have expressed worry over moving to India and I am so glad they are able to verbalize their feelings so we can talk about it. Star will miss her friends a lot. And Flip is worried there will be people with shakers and people dressed up in animal costumes- basically the scariest things she can think of without knowing what to expect. Marvel and I are doing our best to be realistic and excited at the same time when we talk with them.

We think we have found a place to live. It is in a high rise gated community. Totally not our style but we are hoping there will be lots of other families to meet and befriend. Plus it has a pool! I will have the address later for those of you who want to bless us with some letters of love.

We leave on the 28th in the evening.

The song that bothers us the most

You would think that we would be thinking about packing, but we are not. This song bothers us:

Do They Know It's Christmas?

It's christmas time
No need to be afraid
At christmas time, we let in light
And we banish shade
In a world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world
At christmas time

If I could say a prayer
And pray for the other ones
At christmas time, it's hard
But when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well, tonight thank god it's them
Instead of you

And there won't be snow in africa this christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
When nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow
Do they know it's christmas time at all?

Here's to you - raise a glass for everyone
Here's to them, underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's christmas time at all?

And there won't be snow in africa this christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
When nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow
Do they know it's christmas time at all?

And there won't be snow in africa this christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow
Do they know it's christmas time at all?
Do they know it's christmas time at all?

--

Because water does flow. For example: the Congo, the Nile, the Niger, the Orange and the Zambezi. So, next time you here that song you will probably think of me and my mom.

First Good Bye

About 6 years ago, I was approached by a Japanese woman to start an English conversation class for Japanese moms and their toddlers. The women had come to the U.S. with their husbands, who work for the car companies here. Most of the women had not been to the U.S. before and had little confidence in their English ability. All of the women had children under the age of 2. We attempted many kinds of structure, but in the end with 4 children under the age of 2 and all of us moms exhausted from caring for them, we settled into a routine of just chatting. We covered so many topics- how to make a return to a store, how to get your meat cut "paper thin", how to pick a preschool and one time how to call 911 when your husband is out of town for 2 weeks on a business trip. Over time Star and I no longer called our afternoons together "English lessons" but we said, "We are going to visit with our Japanese friends." We met once a week, always adjusting for naps, visiting family and vacations. It was a financial arrangement. These ladies paid me by the lesson and over time it became very strange to me to take their money. I watched the toddlers turn into preschoolers and then Kindergarteners. Star developed deep friendships despite the language barrier and the cultural differences. I watched bellies grow as some of the women had their second child. And then the changes started. One by one my original "Japanese friends" were transferred to California or back to Japan as their husbands' companies moved them. But thankfully for me, new Japanese friends took their place. I met one mom at a birthday party. One mom came in to visit the school where I taught. Another mom heard about our group from a member. Our group grew and changed organically. But don't get me wrong, every good bye was tough. These ladies were as much a part of my weekly routine as milk delivery, as Sunday church, as my favorite TV show. We shared so much and spent so many hours talking that sometimes I felt I knew them better than my "chosen friends". They were going off on their next adventure, but I was the one that drove past their old house and the one who was left with the missing feelings.
On Saturday, I said good bye to yet another one of my Japanese friends. Her family is moving back to Japan, so when we return from India they will be gone. The kids all said goodbye to each other, the men said goodbye, and then I shared a hug- our first hug- with a dear friend. I think I saw tears in her eyes, but she quickly turned away. I, too, had tears in my eyes but quickly smiled. This is the way of travelers. Traveling is fun. Traveling is exciting. But sometimes traveling is sad. It means letting go of one good thing to try and reach for another thing, hoping you discover it goodness before your excitement and sense of adventure wears off.
Many folks around here have outwardly said, "We are going to miss you." And I have to remind myself to say it right back, "We are going to miss you, too." Right now we are in excitement mode. Adventure mode. Ready to take off and reach for the next thing. The girls don't know this, but Marvel and I do, that this feeling is going to wear off. I am guessing that about 3 or 4 months into our India experience I am going to want to come home. I will miss my friends. I will be too far away from my family. The ways of India are no longer going to be exciting and different, they will be confusing and absurd. It is then that I will recall our chats and our last hugs and I will wish I could go back to that moment when you said, "We are going to miss you," so that I can look you right in the eye and with all my heart say, "I am going to miss you, too."

The Things that I am Finishing Up

On Halloween weekend my mom's mom and step dad came up. I call them MyNanna and HaHa. It is a bit confusing that her name is MyNanna because she's not just MY Nanna, but we call her MyNanna.
On the first day they arrived(Friday), they took me to soccer practice and for dinner we had veggie wraps. I sort of liked them, sort of not. And after dinner we carved pumpkins. Our friend, Michaela, came over, too. We did a smiling face. We did a scary face. And we had one huge pumpkin that my mom carved.
On Saturday, the girls went to the Farmer's Market while the boys went to the U of Michigan football game. Then after that we went to my soccer game. My soccer team is called the Mighty Flamingos. My last soccer game of the season and guess what? We won! After my sister's nap we went to a Diwali party at our friends' house. Our friends, Heather and Aditya and their two children Divya and Jai, were the hosts. Divya is my age and Jai is Thangi's age. We got glow sticks and we twirled them around in the dark. They looked like spirals going round and round.
On Sunday, we went on the Fall Colors train ride in Tecumseh, MI. There weren't very many colors because the leaves had already fallen.
On Monday, it was Halloween! I was Hermione. My sister was a car. MyNanna was a chef. My dad was a business man with a job (in case you don't know he is graduate student). My mom was IPhone 4g except it looked like an IPhone. HaHa was sick so he stayed home and passed out the candy.
On Tuesday I got up at 7.30 am just to take MyNanna and HaHa to the airport.

The next weekend my mom's dad and step mom came up to visit. I call them Hop and MiMi.
On Friday I had my last soccer practice of the season. Then we all came home and had dinner. After dinner we played lots of games. We played Pit about 5 times. Then we played Operation, which my sister loves.
On Saturday I had my soccer party. I will not be starting soccer again until I come back from India. My friends and I had SO much fun jumping on the trampoline. We used Sharpies to sign each others' Flamingo Shirts. I can think about all my friends when I see their names on my tshirt.
On Sunday before Hop and MiMi left, we spent the whole day at Greenfield Village. At Greenfield Village, you can ride Henry Ford's Model T cars. There are also homes that show us how people lived in 1944. There is also an Omnibus that is pulled by horses. It was so much fun! And guess what I got at the toy shop? A music box. And my sister? You would probably guess. A car.

Playing Violin

Right now I am taking violin lessons. I have just learned the first song in Book 1. Twinkle Twinkle. You can see the video of me playing on here. I have always wanted to play violin. My parents gave me my violin for my 7th birthday. When I first got it I didn't know how to tune it or use the bow. Now I know this and I know how to rosin the bow, tighten the bow, and play A scale. These are the rhythms I can play- Tugga Tugga Stop Stop, See Ya Later Alligator, 12sh4, Pineapple Strawberry and Up Pony Down Pony. I plan to take violin lessons here in the US until December. I want to take my violin with me to India and take lessons there. It is different to play Indian violin than Western violin.
One of the differences is that you hold it differently. In Western violin you stand up and you hold it between your collarbone and your jawbone. In Indian violin you sit down and rest the scroll on your ankle bone and the lower bout you rest on your chest.
Another difference is in Western violin you call the strings EADG, but in Indian violin you call the strings Pa Sa Pa Sa. This means the strings are tuned differently and they make a different sound.
One last difference is most of the time in Western violin people play music that has already been written by famous composers. In Indian violin people like to be more creative and play songs that have not already been written.
I am happy that I play violin.

More visa talk

Tonight I am making the list of all the documents I need to apply for Flip's entry visa. The whole application process has to be done in steps. So tonight I completed the first 2 steps.
1)the preparation step. This is when I finally decide that FB has been checked thoroughly and no one else is posting anything for the night. I have sent all possible emails including the random links regarding "32 things you can make with cardboard boxes" that I promised another mom. Very neat link, btw. The girls' sleep music has been put onto Marvel's old iPhone- a project I have been thinking about since our old iPod died about 4 months ago. I have soaked in the bath, started next week's grocery list, and done just about everything I can think of to procrastinate. This is when I click on the visa website.
2)the list step. I filter my way through the Travisa website making a list of all the documents and copies I need to make. Our computer has recently moved downstairs into the main room. While I love it down here, all our files and our printer is upstairs. So this time around I have learned to bring it all downstairs- yes the printer, too. The last round I got stuck at the "Print this Page" point. I tried saving to a zip drive, Marvel tried Dropbox, I tried contacting the help page, but finally I just picked up our printer and lugged it downstairs. Surprisingly simple, practical and effective.
But tonight, in step 2 I pause. Among the applications and documents, I must submit the paperwork to renounce my daughter's Indian Citizenship. Being a mother is hard. Being an adoptive mother is full of heartbreaking decisions and realities. I am not sure why this certain phrase has hit me so hard. This ball started rolling 4 years ago when we put in our application to adopt from India. We will always do our best to keep our girls tied firmly to India, but with this simple renunciation application I feel as if I am making the decision to deliver the final and official cut from her homeland.
And again I see the irony, renouncing her Indian Citizenship to earn a visa to take her home.

Gearing and Not Gearing Up

Remember how when you were a kid and summer vacation seemed so far off? But now that you are an adult, you can’t believe how fast another school year passes? This is where I am stuck- between a kid’s impatience and an adult’s reality. We leave for India in January. That means I have 2 ½ months until I pack up my family and shift us halfway around the world. Sometimes I can’t wait to go, I want to leave right now. And sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about when I will have time to go through the two shoe pocket holders FULL with little girl hair bows, pencils, stickers, rocks, last year’s Halloween tattoos, take apart erasers, and so many other tiny “treasures” our renters do not want have to look at for the 8 months they reside in our house. Then there is the practical side of me. The experienced traveler part who knows that it is going to be INSANE the last few weeks before we go and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. We can’t pack our bags now. We can’t pack up our house now. We can’t say our goodbyes and get in our last minute hugs. That has to all happen just before we head out.
So what can I do?
1. Paperwork. The necessary thorn in my side. When we started the adoption process Marvel applied and received his Overseas Citizen of India (OCI) status. This status can be given to folks whose parents or grandparents were born in India and held Indian citizenship. It can also be given to folks who used to be Indian citizens themselves. Star is in process of becoming an OCI. We are just waiting for her passport and her OCI book to be returned to us. I, by falling head over heals in love with and marrying an OCI, am a Person of Indian Origin (PIO). All these acronyms and statuses are important because OCIs and PIOs do not need visas to enter India. And we can stay as longer than 6 months without registering as a foreigner at the police station. Very useful, as anything that involves a queue, paperwork, and government in India takes 10 times longer than humanly possible. So what about Flip? The only one of our Setty clan who was actually born in India. She has her Indian passport from when she first came home in 2009. After we received our official adoption decree from the county here, we were able to apply for her US passport. BUT… she has not received her Certificate of Citizenship. So she can not renounce her Indian citizenship and apply for OCI status. So our Maharani is the only one that must apply for an entry visa, register as a foreigner and then travel to Delhi to renew her visa after 6 months. Funny how things work out, right?
Tickets. Marvel and I are in a debate right now- to stop or not to stop. He wants to push right through to Mysore. We are going to be tired, so might as well get to our final destination and then pass out. I want to stop and recover for a couple of days- fatten up on some croissants in France or soak up some Vitamin D in Qatar, then push on to Mysore. I don’t think we have much of a choice as the Fulbright dictates the kind of flight Marvel can take. It must be an American carrier and we must pay extra for our stop over. So we wait for the head of the travel department at the Fulbright office to return from holiday and inform us of our choices. Then we will shell out the $2000 a person flights are coming in at right now. Yes, donations are welcome. J
2. Study Kannada. Star and I are trying to learn the Kannada alphabet. Although it is incredibly daunting. We are still on the vowels. I love it. I love the curves and the loops. Marvel  told me a long time ago I would love to learn it. Star mocks me in true Setty fashion every time we practice writing and I declare, “Oh I love this one!” or “This one is fun to write.” She just rolls her eyes and says, “They can’t all be your favorite.”
3. Eat. I am emptying our cabinets. I know it doesn’t make sense. We still have 2 ½ months but I refuse to buy any more ketchup! We will go to McD’s and get packets if we need to. I am now face to face with my enormous surplus of dried lentils and beans. Why did I think I needed all those? But, as God as my witness, every last bean and lentil will meet my pressure cooker before January. Be wary of dinner invitations to my house in December, you know what you will be eating- microwave popcorn and bean soup.

My First Post

Our family is planning to move to Mysore, India in January 2012. My dad, has a Fulbright to go to India. Me and my sister are planning to go to school there. Right now my mom and I are studying Kannada. We are learning how to write and say different letters and words. I think many people will speak Kannada in Mysore.
This is not my first time to India. The first time I went to India I was 15 months old. The second time I went to India I was 4. I went to preschool for 3 months. The third time I went to India I was 4 turning 5. We went to India to meet my thangi. She was born in Pune. The fourth time I went to India I went for a wedding for my dad's cousin. This will be my fifth time going to India and the longest visit.
I looking forward to going to school in India. I think it will be different and fun. I am going to start off at a school that I went to before when I was 4. That school has expanded from preschool to eighth grade now. My thangi and I will go to the same school. I am also excited to move away from the cold. We live in Michigan so in January it will be very cold. We have our summer clothes in a box ready to take to India with us. I am not looking forward to getting dust in my eyes from the road.