1. The Feel It and Slap It Method
This is the original way to kill the blood suckers. You feel that prick on your leg and you react with a giant slap to find your blood on the outside of your skin instead of the inside. As you wipe the bug carcass on the grass you feel vindicated.
2. The Spot It and Clap It Method
Behind the Feel It and Slap It Method, this is a traditional way to kill a mosquito. Most of the time it involves a bit of hand eye coordination and some willingness to observe and move quickly. Out of the corner of your eye, you will see the black bit fly by or you might here the bzzzzz in your ear. Your next step is to scan the area looking for the mossie. The mossies of course are very tricky and they can disappear into thin air so you must also have dedication and good eye sight. When you see the mosquito, move quickly, clap it between 2 hands and then inspect your hands to see if you were successful. If you were successful, most likely you will need clean your hands as the mosquito's previous victim's blood (hopefully not yours ) is now on your hands.
3. The One Handed Gotcha
This method is similar to the Spot It and Clap It method and differs due to the fact that you only use one hand. If you find yourself in the elevator with a package in hand and a mosquito bearing down on you, use this method. If you have a child you are trying to drag out of the sand box because no matter how many times you told her the "solle banthu" she doesn't care. The downside of this method is you must make sure the mosquito is dead before you open your hand or you have just done a catch and release which serves no purpose.
4. The Sit and Spray Method
This really isn't a method of killing the mosquito because it is not effective at all, but it can be used in a pinch as a deterrent. If you find yourself on the potty and unable to remove yourself from that location while at the same time you discover you are involuntarily sharing the space with a mossie you can use the hand sprayers (only available in some locations) to aim at the mosquito. As I said, it does not kill the mosquito so you must continue to keep on guard and ready to spray again until you are pants up and mobile again.
5. Use Yourself As Bait
This is the Marvel method. When you wake at 4 am with 2 bites already on your face, flip on the lights to wake your spouse and alert her to the danger and include her in your sleeplessness, cover up your entire body with the sheet except for your face. This will entice the mosquito closer and you can kill it. Although I am not sure how you are suppose to kill it as your hands are tucked under the sheet, but at 4 am and you are half asleep it is really the best plan you can come up with . And it makes your wife laugh hysterically the next morning when she remembers.
5. Hungry Hungry Mosquito
This method requires you and several other members in a closed area, such as your living room. It is played very similarly to Hungry Hungry Hippos. One person spots the mossie and begins the game by jumping up mid-sentence using his or her preferred method to try and get the blood sucker. If she succeeds, game over. If she misses, she returns to her seat and everyone continues the conversation as before. It is very important to not clue in the mosquito by mentioning that the game has started. There will be a catch up time at the end to discuss the play by play. The game continues as another member sees the mosquito and jumps up to have his turn. When the mosquito is finally caught and killed it is shown to all members. Everyone cheers and the especially tasty members show off their swelling bites. Now you may talk about how you killed the mosquito, but be careful as another little sucker might be squeezing in the screen door as you speak.
6. The Silent Kill
One must use this method when it is of upmost importance to be quiet, such as in yoga class or sitting in the back of a preschool classroom trying to make a successful and positive separation from your kid. It is very similar to number 2 but it must be performed in absolute silence. The danger is that with silence some people mix in slowness which greatly affects your success rate. The Silent Kill can also be somewhat of a let down because if you are successful you are unable to share the story of the dead mosquito with anyone around you as quiet is still of the upmost importance.
This is the original way to kill the blood suckers. You feel that prick on your leg and you react with a giant slap to find your blood on the outside of your skin instead of the inside. As you wipe the bug carcass on the grass you feel vindicated.
2. The Spot It and Clap It Method
Behind the Feel It and Slap It Method, this is a traditional way to kill a mosquito. Most of the time it involves a bit of hand eye coordination and some willingness to observe and move quickly. Out of the corner of your eye, you will see the black bit fly by or you might here the bzzzzz in your ear. Your next step is to scan the area looking for the mossie. The mossies of course are very tricky and they can disappear into thin air so you must also have dedication and good eye sight. When you see the mosquito, move quickly, clap it between 2 hands and then inspect your hands to see if you were successful. If you were successful, most likely you will need clean your hands as the mosquito's previous victim's blood (hopefully not yours ) is now on your hands.
3. The One Handed Gotcha
This method is similar to the Spot It and Clap It method and differs due to the fact that you only use one hand. If you find yourself in the elevator with a package in hand and a mosquito bearing down on you, use this method. If you have a child you are trying to drag out of the sand box because no matter how many times you told her the "solle banthu" she doesn't care. The downside of this method is you must make sure the mosquito is dead before you open your hand or you have just done a catch and release which serves no purpose.
4. The Sit and Spray Method
This really isn't a method of killing the mosquito because it is not effective at all, but it can be used in a pinch as a deterrent. If you find yourself on the potty and unable to remove yourself from that location while at the same time you discover you are involuntarily sharing the space with a mossie you can use the hand sprayers (only available in some locations) to aim at the mosquito. As I said, it does not kill the mosquito so you must continue to keep on guard and ready to spray again until you are pants up and mobile again.
5. Use Yourself As Bait
This is the Marvel method. When you wake at 4 am with 2 bites already on your face, flip on the lights to wake your spouse and alert her to the danger and include her in your sleeplessness, cover up your entire body with the sheet except for your face. This will entice the mosquito closer and you can kill it. Although I am not sure how you are suppose to kill it as your hands are tucked under the sheet, but at 4 am and you are half asleep it is really the best plan you can come up with . And it makes your wife laugh hysterically the next morning when she remembers.
5. Hungry Hungry Mosquito
This method requires you and several other members in a closed area, such as your living room. It is played very similarly to Hungry Hungry Hippos. One person spots the mossie and begins the game by jumping up mid-sentence using his or her preferred method to try and get the blood sucker. If she succeeds, game over. If she misses, she returns to her seat and everyone continues the conversation as before. It is very important to not clue in the mosquito by mentioning that the game has started. There will be a catch up time at the end to discuss the play by play. The game continues as another member sees the mosquito and jumps up to have his turn. When the mosquito is finally caught and killed it is shown to all members. Everyone cheers and the especially tasty members show off their swelling bites. Now you may talk about how you killed the mosquito, but be careful as another little sucker might be squeezing in the screen door as you speak.
6. The Silent Kill
One must use this method when it is of upmost importance to be quiet, such as in yoga class or sitting in the back of a preschool classroom trying to make a successful and positive separation from your kid. It is very similar to number 2 but it must be performed in absolute silence. The danger is that with silence some people mix in slowness which greatly affects your success rate. The Silent Kill can also be somewhat of a let down because if you are successful you are unable to share the story of the dead mosquito with anyone around you as quiet is still of the upmost importance.
hahaha! rotfl!
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it Tarun. I am convinced God is going to bring me back as an ant or mosquito to punish me for all the creatures I have killed.
Delete